Sweet Dreams, Commander
by FicreaderT
Summary: My thoughts on Catherine's whereabouts during the start of 4.16; and just to add a little of the McRoll I would have liked to have seen.


**Sweet Dreams, Commander**

Although I enjoy the McGarrett/Grover dynamic and think they're good for each other I was disappointed in the lack of explanation for Catherine's whereabouts in the opening scenes of episode 4.16 "Hoku Welowelo". Honestly, it bugged me enough that I haven't been able to get it out my head so I finally decided that to preserve my own sanity I needed to come up with a plausible explanation and this is what it turned into. This story poured out of me fairly quickly, and I didn't give it the multiple obsessive re-reads I usually do, so I apologize for any errors that I didn't catch.

If you've not seen the aforementioned episode and don't want to read spoilers for it you'll want to avoid this story. If you have seen it, you'll recognize much of the dialogue and many of the situations; I can only take credit for everything else and hope I've done the episode justice.

* * *

Steve McGarrett woke with a start, his body tense and his heart pounding, and it took him a moment to become acclimated to his surroundings. He had just been in North Korea, back on one of his last missions as a SEAL; the goal of which had been to capture Anton Hesse. When he looked around and realized he was safely in his living room, on his leather recliner, he closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing and decompress. Why was he sleeping in the chair? Oh yeah. Catherine was away - an overnight trip on Maui - and not due back until 13:00.

He hadn't been sleeping well recently, but it had been even worse without his girlfriend's warm body and steady breathing beside him. He found himself returning to a conversation he had had with Lou Grover a couple of weeks ago. Steve had done the man a favor and killed a newspaper story that threatened to re-awaken some demons the SWAT captain had finally put to rest. Grover had needed to talk and finally opened up to Steve about the situation that drove him out of Chicago and brought him to Hawaii as well as the emotional scars it had left him with. Steve had understood; because he had the same kinds of scars, and dealt daily with some of the exact same demons.

Lou had truly appreciated Steve's counsel and willingness to listen. He was even more grateful, though, that his friend had laid himself on the line with the reporter to put the story to bed permanently and wanted to acknowledge it. He knew Steve owing the reporter one was probably going to come back to bite him someday and was touched that the man had gone to those lengths to help him. What was more, though, was he wanted to be there for the SEAL the way Steve had been for him.

'_Well, perhaps someday you'll tell me why you came back home_.' Grover's parting words had been echoing through Steve's head for weeks and unfortunately, some of his ghosts, which had been largely silent for years, had started rattling their chains again. He knew it wasn't intentional on Grover's part; it was an unfortunate and unavoidable result of opening himself up to his friend's situation, but that wasn't helping him deal with them.

He had tossed and turned for hours before finally giving up around 02:30 and opting for a change of scenery. He had settled in the recliner downstairs, put his feet up and turned on the TV, finally settling on one of those shows were people are choosing between renovating their house or buying a new one. He had set sleep mode for 60 minutes and hoped the issue of whether a kitchenette would work in the basement remodel would bore him to sleep. It had obviously worked because he'd been asleep long enough to dream.

As Steve started to relax, to come down from the nightmare and become more aware of his surroundings, he realized the sun was newly risen and calculated the time was probably about 07:00. He also recalled the reason he had to force himself to relax.

Freddie. His fallen friend had been on his mind regularly since that conversation with Grover, and had been the subject of the nightmare from which he'd just awakened. He found himself repeating Grover's words in his head, _'…why you came back home'_, and it clicked - Freddie was the reason he had come back home. He felt like a weight was lifted at the revelation and he wanted, no he _needed_ to talk about it.

His first thought was Catherine, but she wasn't home, wouldn't be back for hours. He reached for the phone and then considered who to call. He suspected Catherine already knew, had known for years, that he had been running from the guilt of Freddie's death when he left the Navy. Danny would understand, but would offer platitudes about how it wasn't Steve's fault, tell him to stop beating himself up that he had done everything he could. Steve didn't want to hear them right now, so Danny wasn't the right choice.

Grover. Grover had opened up this can of worms and would be the right person to talk to about it. He would listen, and that's what Steve needed He noted the time, 07:07, and figured it wasn't too early to call and invite his friend for a cup of coffee. He took a deep breath and dialed the phone.

"Hey, Lou."

"Steve. Good morning, what's up?"

"I, uh, I was wondering if you'd like to come over this morning for a cup of coffee on the beach."

Grover was quiet for a moment and Steve suspected he was considering the true meaning behind the spoken words. "Yeah, I could go for a cup. I can be there in about… half an hour. That sound alright?"

"Yeah. See you then."

Steve disconnected the call and returned his cell to its place on the side table. Thirty minutes; time to get up. He scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed before he stood, picked up the phone and headed upstairs to grab a quick shower and get dressed.

He noticed the unmade bed as he entered the bedroom and felt a slight pang of longing for his girlfriend even though she'd only been gone since the previous afternoon. He realized, though, he was a bit grateful that his lieutenant was off the island because he really wanted to talk to Grover alone. He felt a kinship with this person who was a friend, yet also still a relative stranger in some ways. Sometimes it was easier to talk to someone who didn't know what you were going to say before you said it. He would get a chance to talk to Cath later, once he'd had a little more time to digest, and maybe he'd sleep better tonight with her beside him.

He made the bed and then headed to the bathroom to clean up. Fifteen minutes later he was dressed and down in the kitchen. He put a pot of coffee on and then stood leaning against the island checking his email on his phone, getting ready for the day. When Lou knocked on the door Steve answered it, shook the man's hand in greeting and told him to head out to the beach - he'd be along shortly with coffee.

Steve approached the wooden chairs with a mug of coffee in each hand and handed one to his friend. "Thanks for coming."

Lou took the offered mug and nodded. "I'm glad you called."

Steve sat and silence reigned for a few beats, as Grover waited for him to start.

"I've been thinking a lot about our last conversation." He glanced to his right, at where his friend sat patiently waiting for him to continue. "How you wanted to know what brought me back to Hawaii." He looked at Lou again and saw him nod in acknowledgement of that conversation. "Well, a month ago, I would've told you it was… to find the man who killed my father." He glanced at his companion again, and saw the man nod at him again to continue. "I realized it was about more than that."

Steve looked out at the horizon, then down at the ground before continuing. "I lost somebody. Somebody really close to me. He um… he gave his life to save mine."

When Steve glanced at Grover again, he saw the other man nodding. There was understanding in his eyes, not sympathy, not concern or worry, and Steve knew he had made the right choice in who to unload this burden to.

Grover put his mug on the table between them in order to give Steve his full attention before asking, "What was his name?"

Steve looked down again before answering, "His name was Freddie Hart. He was a team guy. We went through BUDs together. We always had each other's back. He was my brother, man."

Steve felt more of the weight lifting, felt himself becoming unburdened and he continued. "More than anything else in this world, Freddie wanted to be a father." He punctuated his words with his hands. "That was it." He smiled gently at his next words, "He would've been a great father, too."

Grover sighed, he suspected, from Steve's tone, that Freddie had a child that he had never had a chance to know, but he didn't need to ask, because the details weren't important at the moment.

Steve looked out at the water again, drawing strength from it, before he continued more somberly. "Anyway, after he died, um…", he frowned and shook his head, not really wanting to continue, but feeling the need to get it out, "the Navy didn't feel the same. When the governor offered me Five-0, I jumped at it."

Grover signed again, deeply, before he spoke. "You ran away." It was a statement, not a question.

Steve took a drink of his coffee and worked his jaw a bit before he answered with a resigned affirmative and looked again at the horizon. Although he didn't say it aloud, he admitted to himself that Lou was right, and he was somewhat ashamed to admit that he had been running away at the time; although he knew he wasn't anymore. He was here now because it was where he wanted to be, not because he had his head in the sand. He knew, with Catherine's help, he had faced the reality of Freddie's death head on and made it through to the other side. That didn't mean he was finished dealing with it, though, the evidence of that lay in the dreams he'd been having and the conversation he was currently in the middle of.

"We think that distance is gonna make things better, and for a while it kind of does. But sooner or later, it catches up to you that… the real problem you're having is all up here." Grover tapped his forehead with his finger to punctuate his last words.

Steve acknowledged him with a nod, so Grover continued. "You sleeping?" Steve's silence was answer enough so Lou kept going. "When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

Steve opened his mouth, but didn't speak and Lou interpreted correctly that Steve had said all he wanted to say on the topic for right now. "Well… Like I said, I'm glad you called." He picked up mug back up.

Steve took a deep breath and looked over at his companion. "Thanks. You better get going, man. You got a big day ahead of you."

Grover waved his hand and raised his eyebrows before agreeing and taking a drink of his coffee.

"Try not to have too much fun today."

Lou just chuckled at Steve's statement as he took another drink. They sat in companionable silence for a couple of minutes as they finished their coffee and then Grover took his leave to go pick up Clara Williams for a ride-along. A few minutes later Steve grabbed his gun and badge before heading out to his truck to go to work.

* * *

Steve knew when he arranged for Clara to take a ride-along with Grover that he was going to have to have an interesting conversation with Danny about it and was almost grateful for the call that they had three dead bodies on a fishing boat. He told Chin to get started on scene and he and Danny would be there soon.

Sure enough, Danny was like a broken record about the ride-along the moment he laid eyes on his partner that morning. Finally, as they were pulling to a stop at the marina, Steve had just about had enough. He was definitely feeling better after his conversation on the beach that morning, but he was tired and his emotions were still a bit raw.

Danny was still talking as they climbed out of the car. "Just stop for one second, okay?" Steve sighed as he shut the car door and summoned every ounce of control that had been drilled into him by the military as Danny continued, "All I am saying is a heads-up would've been nice. Okay? That's all."

Steve knew his partner would have liked a heads-up. Heck, he knew he should have given him one, but he had made a conscious choice not to so he wouldn't have to listen to this rant for the days leading up to the ride-along as well as during _and_ after the aforementioned event.

He knew what Danny was really struggling with, though, so he tried to be patient and indulged his friend by letting the rant run its course. So he replied with a generic, "You're so worked up about this."

"Oh, oh, okay, listen, um, I know this may seem like a foreign concept to you, but the idea of my mother being in harm's way — it does not sit well with me."

"You got to give her more credit, Danny." Now Steve was getting nearer the end of his rope, and the sarcasm was coming out. "I mean, she survived you."

"Ah. You're not a good friend."

That one stung. Steve knew Danny didn't mean it, that he was just frustrated and venting, and had no idea about his partner's early-morning conversation with Lou Grover, but it stung nonetheless, especially after the nightmares he'd been having recently and the renewed feelings of guilt for letting Freddie down that came along with them.

"In fact, you're no longer my friend. I'm done. Good run. It's been fun."

Steve just listened, knowing Danny wasn't serious but hoped his partner was finally done and figured it was a good time to try and redirect the conversation. He pointed out that Danny was just frustrated that his mother went around him to get what she wanted, which seemed to derail the rant for a moment, However, Steve couldn't keep himself from poking at the sleeping bear and when Danny started up again Steve decided he it was time to get some physical distance from the blonde so he quickened his steps and walked in front of his friend. They met up with Chin and Kono and continued to the fishing boat upon which the bodies had been found to get a status report.

* * *

After they encountered Jerry, their friendly neighborhood conspiracy theorist, at the crime scene and realized they were dealing with what could potentially be disastrous on an international level Steve knew he had to get in touch with the Navy. He, Danny and Jerry returned to HQ and Steve headed directly to the sanctity of his office upon arriving because frankly, he wanted to continue the physical distance a little longer and he needed to make a couple of calls.

Once he was in the privacy of his office with the door closed, he arranged an appointment with the head of Naval Intelligence over at Pearl. He sat at his desk for a moment and looked at the phone before making his next call. He needed to fill Catherine in on the case but didn't want to go into anything more personal at the moment but he knew she'd likely be able to tell something was bothering him. He spent a few moments centering himself before picking up the handset and dialing Catherine's cell. He told her they had a case, along with the details, and asked that she start making some inquiries as soon as she arrived back at HQ, which would be in a little over an hour. She, as he suspected, could sense something in his voice but waited until the work part of the conversation was wrapping up to inquire.

"Hey, sailor, how are you doing?"

He hesitated just a moment. "I'm fine, Cath."

She could tell he didn't want to talk about whatever it was so she changed the subject.

"Aw. Do you miss me?"

He appreciated the teasing in her voice and smiled as he teased her right back. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Well, you know I'll be home tonight, right? Maybe we can catch up."

He heard the smile on her face and knew that she was referring mostly to sex. But, he knew she also realized something was up and wanted to know what it was. He was prepared for that and realized he welcomed it. Plus, he figured after the sex and the talking (not necessarily in that order) he might actually be able to wrap himself around her and get some sleep tonight. It would have to wait, though, because this wasn't the time and they had work to do. He sighed quietly.

His tone was no longer teasing when he spoke, "Yeah, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be back soon and get started on those calls first thing."

He stayed in his office alone until it was time to leave for his meeting at Pearl. Danny didn't seem to mind being left behind but Steve decided to take Jerry along with him to meet with Admiral Rhodes.

* * *

When Steve returned to HQ after dropping Jerry off following the meeting he popped into Catherine's office and waited for her to finish making a call. She was trying to get access to one of the higher-ups at the Chinese embassy and he could tell she was getting a little frustrated with the run-around. Once she hung up the phone she stood and came around the desk to greet him with a quick kiss and was surprised when he pulled her into a short hug as well. She could tell that something was going on with her commander, but knew they needed to stay focused on the case so it would have to wait.

She filled him in on where she was at and he updated her on what he had learned at Pearl before she returned to her phone calls and he headed over to the bullpen to touch base with Chin and Kono. Catherine joined them a short time later, having finally gotten in touch with the Consulate General at the embassy but didn't have anything positive to report. Steve asked her to make some additional calls, hoping she'd have better luck with Naval Intel than he had.

She was back in her office when he popped in again to tell her he and Danny were headed over to Jerry's because the man had 'captured' someone trying to kill him in his basement. She wished him luck and returned to her task.

* * *

When Catherine next saw Steve, it was after they had picked up Zi Chen, the Chinese MSS agent, at Jerry's house and discovered her teammates dead at their bad guy's base of operations. He, Danny and Zi returned to HQ and worked with Catherine and Jerry on finding a new lead on where the suspect, Quan, was meeting the buyer of the satellite intel they had recovered.

Catherine studied Steve as best she could, while continuing to be discreet and fully involved in the ongoing discussion about the case. She could see that he was definitely tense, but she wasn't honestly sure if it was due to the high-stakes nature of the case or something else. She felt a little apprehension when he left with Danny and the Chinese spy; knowing he was going into a volatile situation. She knew Steve would compartmentalize whatever else was going on and that he always had his head in the game and appreciated that Grover would be on site with SWAT to back them up, but she couldn't help but worry just a little. Fortunately, she had Jerry and his theories to keep her mind occupied until Steve called and told her they'd recovered the computer drive and he needed her to analyze it immediately.

She got to spend a couple of hours in his vicinity when he brought the drive to HQ so she could get working on it, but time was of the essence and she spent all of it was working at recovering whatever she could. Steve spent most of that time on the phone with the higher-ups at Pearl discussing the status and forming a plan for tying everything up in a nice, neat bow. Catherine was successfully able to retrieve the recorded satellite data and downloaded it to a flash drive before wiping the damaged hard drive so Steve could return it to the Chinese in what everyone hoped would be perceived as a show of good faith.

Catherine had hoped to get some time to speak with her SEAL, but it wasn't to be as Steve needed to leave to visit Chen in the hospital and then put the flash drive into the appropriate hands within the US government.

* * *

When Catherine returned home after wrapping things up at the office she was pleased to see Steve's truck in the driveway - she hadn't been sure he would have beaten her home after his clandestine 'meeting'. She was slightly less pleased to see Jerry sitting in the living room having a conversation with her commander, but figured Steve probably had an interesting story to tell her that would explain the other man's presence. Jerry seemed surprised to see her, but it didn't take long for him to put two and two together and he nodded knowingly as he figured out the true nature of her relationship with Steve. She crossed the room and perched on the edge of the recliner where Steve was sitting and gave him a kiss on the lips as he rubbed her back a few times. He seemed less stressed, and she was grateful for that.

"So, boys, what do we feel like for dinner?" She wasn't sure what Steve was dealing with, but the important thing to her was that he was dealing with it and he would tell her when the time was right. She figured whatever it was - it could wait for a bit and Steve would tell her when he was ready and he did just that as they lay in bed later that night with their legs entwined. Catherine lay on her side with her head on Steve's chest and traced circles on his abdomen as she listened to him unburden some of what he'd been carrying. She stayed awake until she was sure he'd fallen asleep and then placed a soft kiss on his chest and whispered, "Sweet dreams, commander. I'm here if you need me." She couldn't stop the small smile that erupted as he tightened his hold on her so she snuggled closer before finally succumbing to sleep herself.


End file.
